4 August 1996
Scene 1. Exterior of Hills, at night.
A silhouette of hills, mountains, and trees, against a starry night. The constellations are recognizable. A fireball streaks across the sky, landing behind the hills, with a sound not entirely unlike an automobile skidding, crumbling... and the obligatory shatter of glass. The date fades onto the bottom of the screen: 31 March 198-.
Scene 2. Exterior, Hilltop.
A black government car pulls to a stop. It has some official markings indicating that it is an Air Force vehicle. Also, a Schwa bumper sticker.
Scene 3. View Through Video Camera/Telescope.
The date is of course, now, 1 April, the seconds are ticking, and the cameraman is inept. We see down into valley, a trail of burnt shrubbery in a long arc, below two prominent rock outcroppings. The area as a whole resembles a smiley face. At one end of the arc is what appears at first glance to be a United States space shuttle. As the camera zooms in, we see that it's a pretty crude attempt at a space shuttle. There are spelling errors.
V.O. Air Force Guy
Oh for crying out loud. That's a pretty lame joke. Let's get out of here.
The image goes black as the lens cap is placed on the camera, and finally the date/time display goes black as well. We hear a few car door slams and the sound of a departing vehicle.
Scene 4. Close Up of Fake Space Shuttle.
V.O. Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw. That was a good trick! Your plan worked, alien Xixijuqunwan! They thought our ship was just one of their own space craft.
V.O. Other Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw haw yeah.
Scene 5. Interior, Close up view of machine.
We see an alien machine, lights blinking. A small output tray is collecting a stack of one hundred dollar bills. They look terrible. They are obviously very bad reproductions. The color is wrong. The size is wrong. There are minor spelling errors. Perhaps they are even printed on silver mylar. An alien three fingered claw picks up the stack of money. We see only the blinking machine as we hear their dialogue.
V.O. Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw. This will be plenty! Let's go get assimilated.
V.O. Other Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw haw yeah.
Scene 5. Exterior, Entrance to Bank Of America.
Two Japanese businessmen, one carrying an atache case, enter the scene from the side, and enter the bank. The two men are dressed identically: blue suits, white shirts, black ties. They have matching shortish black hair and dark sunglasses. The doors to the bank open, and the security guard throws out the two Japanese businessmen, pushing them to the ground, and goes back inside.
Then the guard reappears, and dumps the brief case full of their fake money on top of them. The two men get up and walk off.
Scene 6. Exterior, Someplace Interesting.
(The location is someplace interesting, a park fountain or a parking garage perhaps.) Up close, we see that the Japanese businessmen are pretty unconvincing. One of them takes a black bowl off of his head, which is his wig attached to armless sunglasses. Underneath he's bald, and has ping pong ball eyes. The other reaches to the top of his tie, and unzips his suit, which we now see is a single garment with a zipper running down the center of his black tie. The whole garment is a jumpsuit, which he steps out of to be wearing typical skate-rat type clothing -- shorts and some kind of alien t-shirt.
Apart from the ping pong ball eyes, and the three fingered hands, they look pretty much like humans.
One of them lights up a sort of four-pronged cigarette. After he puffs happily once or twice, a dead pigeon falls from overhead.
Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw. That was really stupid.
Other Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw haw yeah. We should have made Yen, not Dollars.
Scene 7. Short Montage.
Quick montage of: exterior of alien ship, blinking lights on alien machine, and alien claw picking up something that looks like rolled up cloth.
V.O. Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw. This will be worth more per gram anyway. We'll have enough money in no time.
V.O. Other Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Haw haw haw yeah.
Scene 8. Exterior, Art Gallery.
It's a pretentious art gallery behind empty sidewalk. The doors open and an upscale mohawked leather-clad woman shoves the two aliens, no longer in disguise, onto the street, and goes back inside. She reappears with a canvas of the Mona Lisa, rips it in half, and throws the two pieces on them, and goes back inside. She then comes out with two more Mona Lisas, rips each of those in half as well, and goes back inside.
The aliens look at each other.
The gallery owner comes out one final time and snaps a photograph of the two aliens amidst the torn up fake Mona Lisas.
The two aliens stand up.
Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
I hate this planet.
Other Slightly Stupid Sounding Alien
Yeah.
8/4/96.19:03 - 8/5/96.01:26